The Little Prisoner

I came across an article yesterday. It contains snippets from a book entitled, 'The Little Prisoner'. When I read the introduction, I felt like I had to find the book. It is a true story. After reading the entire article, it made me question whether I was strong enough to read it.

Its a true account abt a girl who was the sexual slave to her step father. The article was merely an extract from the book. Yet its description epicts a horrifying experience. She wrote about the abuse that she took from her step father since she was 4. She had a translucent image of the experience during her younger day. But what she wrote was enough to describe the brutality of the step father.

She claimed to have been sexually abuse before she was 6 but the first crystal clear memory of it was when she was six. She was rape when she was slightly older and it continued for 17 years, i.e., till she was 21. She was raped even when she was cohabiting with her boyfriend when she was 17 while her boyfriend went out to work.

She finally met an intelligent man who accepted her and didn't judge for something which she didn't do. She then made a police report and got the step father convicted.

Her experience was horrifying. What was worse was that she feels that her mother knew about it. Her mother was also abused by this man but she did not protect the girl from harm. This was due to the fear of the man. Even when the girl finally made a police report, the mother shunned away from her and since then did not contact her cos she feels that her daughter was to blame now that the man was imprisoned.

What I don't get it how can you pretend the harm didn't happen? I remember watching the CSI tho its a fiction but it had an impact on my life. It was the same thing where the girl was sexually abused by her step father and the worst part was when the father entered the girl's room it was the mother that closed the door behind her. It was like her mother consented to the girl being raped. So she gave birth to a girl from the rapes and when the daughter was old enough, the step father started abusing the daughter. So she decided to kill him before he does anytrhing worse thus bringing in the CSI part.

There must be some psychological explanation for this type of behaviour. Expecially when you allow someone to harm your child. What is it? I just don't get it...For the victim its quite understanable cos she's afraid.

By the way i visited a blog today and this blogger listed a number of sextual offenders whom he wants to have gangbang with...

Its so scarry...Before I went to bed last night, I keep on telling myself that I'm so lucky tt I'm surrounded by people who loves me and would protect me from harm. Even if my dad and bf drops me off at home, they'l wait till i'm in my house before he leaves.

I can't imagine what the victim goes through. I feel sad and scared that such persons exist in this world. I really hope that i'l never encounter such experience..

The thing abt my title.

I'm already at work since 8.30 just now..I've nothing to say abt me and my work..It comes to a point where its beyond description. I've typed my exam questions and I'm now drinking chilled coffee with 'time out' chocolate bar...When i look at myself I can just shake my head...

I just realised after blogging for a few weeks that my title does not make sense. My sis told me that I have an inclination with the term 'elle' cos of the movie 'legally blonde'. She said that I am so like 'elle'.

I resent to that cos first and foremost, I'm not filthy rich. I've registered for my masters recently and its coming out from my own pockets cos I think I might burden my parents since they've already paid a chunk of money for the college education. Maybe I have something in common with Elle: I luv pink. But I'm not in some sorority somewhere in the world or go for manicures and pedicures [Yet...my clleague and I were considering it last week before she feel ill]. But i do wish i own a posch... Someday maybe...Its enough if my bf gets it but I don't think he'l let me drive cos I'm a terrible driver. My dad said that Im too careful that people will hit me...

So anyway i'm thinking of changing my title. I blogsurf sometimes and I find that bloggers do try so add sense to their title. It will relate to their blog at least. Mine does not. It's not even abt 'elle' magazine. It is possible for the magazine to sue me of something? I studied law of intellectual property last year but I can't remember much. Maybe I should read up for konwledge purposes.

The problem here is that I'm not really sure what I want my blog to be about. It's like a diary where I pen down events in my life but I don't get into details cos then it'l be very personal and why would I want to share my private life with people.

I am quite bad at this. Its like writing an essay. I'm always stuck at the intro part. The thing is that the intro makes a huge difference in an essay. I always stress that out to my students. But they don't know that I myself get stuck here but I don't give up. I can rewrite an essay just because I don't like the intro.

At the same time, I do like the term 'elle'. It sounds very chic and poised....
Yes...I am a confused child....

The thing about Sundays...

When I was in secondary school I did not really appreciate sundays cos it was a day where you did a lot of homework and study.

It got worse when I went to college cos the stupid clooege that I attended had lectures on the weekends. It was from 2-7 on sats and 9-5.30 on suns. So, its been a very long time since i last enjoyed a sun.

So guess where I am today which is a sunday? I am at work since 8.30 and I'm stil here. I can only leave at five.

I don't know which is more pathetic? the fact that I was a nerd back in my college days or the facts that I volunteered to work on a sunday? My life gets more and more pathetic each day. As it is i work like a dog during the weekdays. The worse part is that it is not as if 'm getting a good pay.

Maybe I should quit...but i love lecturing..Its funny how fast i get attached to this job (i'l explain abt me and lecturing one day). Further I'm a fresh graduate. And my bf always say that beggers can't be choosers..Haiz...

After graduated, I was at home most of the sundays. It was really wierd. I din know what the TV was showing that day. I always knew what the TV was showing cos then i'l be able to choose what i wanna to watch so that I can plan my study timetable without disturbance [Boo-hoo. I'm a nerd. My bf tells me like a million times that he's going out with a nerd].

Sometimes I think that sundays are just aother day. I mean what is the difference with the other days? Is it overrated? Or are we really apreciating sundays as a day where we have no worries abt work? When you are driving there is also what we call the sunday drive. So on a weekday you can't drive slow cos people will hoot at you implying that it is not a sunday drive cos its non-sunday.

I've always wondered how that is possible to rest on sun cos every sunday i'l think of the fact that i have to work on mon and the worse thing is that on mon I've to be in by 8.30. Even when I'm not at work like today I can be at home preparing my notes or gearing up for my masters.

Is it just me or is it that sundays have been overrated???

PS:Its quite confirmed that I'm pathetic cos i had to blog abt sunday...

Scheiss Weekly. Just as it says.

Scheiss Weekly. Just as it says.

The thing abt blogging

I knew of this blog thing last year I think.. A friend of mine showed me one of our friend's blog. But I forgot abt it and came across it when I was surfing the net and came across someone's blog..Then I tried blogging for a month plus not recalling that one of my friends have a blog.I shopped cos my studies were taking too much time so I din have the time to blog..So my entries were very brief and irregular. Only last month or so was I told abt my friends blog and decided to take a peek and at the same time reminisced abt blogging. This brought me back to the blogging world..

The thing is this none of my friends with blogs know the I've re-entered the blogging world. I don't know why but it feels weird. I'm not the type of person who shares my life with others. I don't even share them with my bf certain things. I used to have an old fashioned diary where I write things that happened in my life. Even now I write in it occasionally. That diary is private to me and my bf only looked at it once. He's been asking me for it but I din pass to him. In that diary i'l record all my feelings abt the things that happened: some happy and some sad. I tend to say bad things abt people in there too but u see its private.

For this very reason, none of my friends know that i'm back here. They may come across it but I dont think they'l recognise that its me. This will allow me to say what I really wanna say without being judge since people only know me as a blog but not a person. I came across a blog before and this person wrote, 'Dun judge me by my blog but judge me by the person I am.' [Unfortunately I can't remember the site].

Its difficult to do that esp when you know who the person is. The thing is why would you write something that you don't believe in?If your blog doesn't represent you won't ur blog become pretentious. I not saying the writer of that blog is wrong cos she's entitled to write anything she wans since its her blog..But it raises a question: What is it that people write in here?

Personally I think my blog should have truth in it. Its my expression of the things that occur around me...Its all abt the truth....

The thing abt my job that i hate..

I just realise that there is one thing that I hate abt my job: The cleck in the admin side. My college is a relatively small college so we are basically divided into two main departments:

• academic
• administration

While my job is basically to prepare the notes for my classes, the admin side will ensure that they are photocopied. So today on a saturday, I came to work at 8.30 although I have a afternoon class (On saturdays we work half day so its either we come in the morn of in the afternoon). The reason why I came early was because I wanted to prepare noteds for my class.

So after having types out the notes, I went to the stupid clerk to get it printed out. She told me that I need to get approval first and gave me a form to fill in. The thing is that the day before I was also asked to fill in the form for my notes. I spoke to the head of my faculty and he told me that if all that I was printing out was questions for the tutorials, there is no need to get the approval. I told her that and she said that we need to fill in the form for everything. So fine I did. Then she told me that she can't get it ready by today cos we are suppose to pass it to her three days in advance.

I told her that I can't do tht cos I've a lot of work to do. The thing is this: My subjects are all newly introduced by the college so I've to start afresh. There is no notes whatso ever that I can take to cut and paste. I told her that but she refuse to understand saying that she has a lot of work to do. I know she's busy but there is another clerk there. Most of the time this other clerk does not do anything apart from photocopying notes. this stupid clerk does not want to delegate her job to the other clerk cos she feels threatened by it cos this other clerk is more educated than her.

So it is my fault if she is damn busy?I don't think so...Its her own fault for not delegating the work..

Its not only that..She only told me abt the three day rule. She din say to the other lecturers esp the senior ones cos she's afraid. She has problems working with me becuase I was once a student in this college. At that time she was a staff already so our position was that of a student and the admin staff. Now that I'm her colleague and that since I'm a lecturer, my positionis higher than her she finds it hard to accept. She is quite rude with the sutdents cos to her y should she respect them cos they are only the students. Now that I'm a lecturer here and she has to take orders from me she can't accept that.

My question again: IS THAT MY PROBLEM???

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!

Because of our past relationship I gave her face in the sense that I'm not very harsh on her. But since she tries to make my life difficult guess what I did???

I went straight to the Head of my faculty and told him abt her.. He told me that I'm excused from the three day rule because of my situation..So after this I'm going downstairs to collect my notes and tell her that smugly...muahahahaha...

The thing abt my Students..

A great thing abt my job is my students. I'm a lecturer in a private college. My students are abt 20 years and above. Sometimes I feel like quitting because the bulk of the work is crazy. The thing that makes me stay is of course my students.

One batch of students are actually leaving this year cos this is their final year. I feel sad that they are leaving. I'm so used to them that the thought of getting new students is quite daunting. It's just that I don't know if they can be something like this batch. This is not my favourite batch tho but I do like the class. I know that I'm suppose to remain neutral. I don't favour one class against another. But all I want is that everytime I'l look forward to my classes. That's not too much to ask rite...??

Anyway, I'l end my entry with snippets of what happenned in class yesterday..

ME: We've sent ur last exam marks to ur parents. Pls do well in the next exams so tt none of ur parents'l call us up.

Student A: Miss, you mean parents will really call up the college?

ME: Yes...(This student din realise tt her own father just called up to enquire abt her and I din tell her nor the class abt it)

Student B: Miss, these parents have nothing better to they. These are the lost parents with their lost children...

ME: (I wanted to laugh cos Student B din know tt students A' s father just called)

Student A: Yes lah miss. These parents have nothing better to do..They don't even know their own children...

ME: (At that point I really wanted to laugh tt I had to give them a two minutes break to setyle myself down)

Aren't my students the best???

The thing with frustration...

I have to confession to make...I'm an internet illiterate..I know how to get around to find the things that I want but there are just some things that I just don't understand..

The problem is this when I want to do something using the net, the instructions must be crystal clear..For example when I went to Haloscon.com to get the commentting thingy, it was so simple just follow the instructions.. I cannot get it when the instructions are so brief. So it gets frustrating...

I'l try one more time. Maybe i'l get luckier....
It's so irritating..

I'm back...

I've tried blogging before but i stopped and even deleted my blog...I can't even remeber the name of my previous blog..

But now i'm back because finally after years of hard work to obtain a degree i'm finally free..I not totally free cos i'm now working and my job is one from hell...The amount of work here is madness..For example I left work at 10pm last night and i clocked in this morning at abt 9.30..

But one best part of my job is tt i've unlimited access to the net..Hence this brought me back to blogging after a friend of mine suggested i visit her blog..so as i check out her blog i reminised the times i spent blogging and how much i missed it..

So I'm back in this blogging world..HELLO WORLD...Its a great feeling to be connected to the world....